I'm not naturally a competitive person. Even in the world of auditioning back when I was an active opera singer and actress, I found no pleasure in winning a role OVER others...just in winning the role because I'd have a chance to make it mine, to honor the brilliance of the composer or playwright and make the audiences FEEL something when I performed.
Photography is a little bit different. With the right equipment and training and practice, ANYONE can be a decent photographer. Not everyone has the God given pipes to be an opera singer or the stage presence to be an award winning actress-all the training in the world can't make you sing The Queen of the Night well.
In this camera business, however, it's all about what's in your camera bag, how you advertise and present yourself to the world, how much you have to invest, and how many clients you ultimately have.
My photography portfolio is pretty hefty for someone who has only been pursuing it professionally for nine months. Part of that is because I'm at home a lot, with photography as a huge focus of my day to day life.
There's not the same instant gratification in photography. Oh, there's the the thrill *I* get when I'm on a shoot and know there will be great photos, the excitement of the editing process, feeling sure that my clients will feel soooo good about themselves when they see the finished product.
But in a world where the only gratification is basically FB, and people on FB are constantly inundated with funny memes from George Takei, photos of everyone's kids, theatre pics, vacation photos...my pics just go into the mix like a dime a dozen. I remember when I first set up my Gilded Lily Photography fan page...and the first group of fans came quickly and heaped on the praise lavishly for every photo I put forth. Then it began dwindling and I had to do a LOT of publicizing and word of mouth and begging to hit even 100 fans. And even now I am lucky if I get a few "likes" on a photo much less comments. It makes a person doubt themselves, a lot. For someone like me, with a lot to lose because of my extenuating circumstances, doubt myself even more.
I've noticed there are a LOT of photographers out there who don't do good work, have three times the fans, and ten times the praise that I do. It's hard not to think that it's because I'm not great at what I do, that they must be better than I am. But with a critical eye, I can see the flaws...the blurry images, the hasty editing (if any), the less than stellar composition. I see the flat expressions on the faces. I see the badly copied work of other photographers, myself included (hey, sometimes imitation is the sincerest form of flattery!)...and I know I'm not that person. My work is always original, clean, bright, and me.
It's frustrating to see that kind of photographer get the kind of attention and praise I want. But it doesn't make them a better photographer. It doesn't make them have my personality, my eye for cool compositions, gorgeous color and clarity, or my ability to draw the best from my subjects. It just means they have more superficial friends who believe in paying lip service to support their friends regardless of actual talent.
In a world where talk is cheap, our brains are saturated with new shiny things every minute of every day, and true talent is hard to see, it's difficult to hold your head up high and keep plunging ahead. But I do. Because I'm starting to realize that like my opera career, it's not about winning more roles or being better than the others. It's about being the best that *I* can be, keeping my creativity, integrity, and diligence intact, and striving to be better every single day. I'm in THIS for the long haul...just like I spent 20 years as an actress, 10 years as an opera singer, and soon to be 5 years as a blissfully happily married lady.
I don't want to be a decent photographer. I want to be one of the for real legitimate great ones. The one whose photos you recognize when you open a wedding magazine before you look at the photo credit. It's going to take a lot of hard work and practice to get there, but I'm going to sure as heck try!
I want to make my viewer FEEL something when they look at my images. :)
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